How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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