To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
