i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
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Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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