So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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