You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
