i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
