Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
