I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am naked and annoyed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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