dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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