I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
