our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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