Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
