He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
