The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
