is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
