Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
