if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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