this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
