what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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