Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
