ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
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He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My dick has a subreddit
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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