Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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