I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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