I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
