please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
