i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
im on a boat
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