Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
