You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
