Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
