I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
