she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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