We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
