He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
