Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
