i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
