I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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