Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
