the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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