I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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