look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
