I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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