i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You dont lie about slip and slides
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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