For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's blow job season.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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