Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
