is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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