I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Semen is not good for contacts.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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