You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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