does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
