is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
