just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
