so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
