If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day