his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
