Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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