im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
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You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize