Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
