If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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