i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We got so high we made milksteak
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
