a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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