We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
