just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
