when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
