Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
