flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
