so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
