Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
