John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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