It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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