I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
