dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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