She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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