I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
