guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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