I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Best friends brother. Beat that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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