Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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