2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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