I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
